Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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