I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize