You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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