R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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