so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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