week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
