Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Randomize
