Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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