We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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