yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize