his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
