I must be too annoying 4 u.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
MIDGETS
????
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
