I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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