can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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