The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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