i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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