you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
