We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
