So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Farmville is her only friend.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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