Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize