Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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