He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
