3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
