So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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