I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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