I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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