can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
