Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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