I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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