i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
