wanna go halves on a baby?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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