i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I FOUND THE LEGS
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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