Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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