Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
