Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
