So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Farmville is her only friend.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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