If that was your dad, he is hot
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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