im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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