Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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