he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
