I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
