just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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