My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
my poor anus
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
