So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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