U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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