sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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