why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
