4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
