omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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