His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize