Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize