I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
