we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
