A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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