party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
