This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
