I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I pour the whiskey from now on
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
