i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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