just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
