Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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