I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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