Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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