She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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