curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
