i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
