sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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