We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
bring money and cleavage
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
