One girl and one boy is just not enough.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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