just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
