fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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