Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
as a side note pls kill me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
