i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
home. puking in laundry basket.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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