the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
