I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
