Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
