Hey man sorry I got all grabby
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
